Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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