Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
