Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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