M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she pinky promised me she was 18
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize