is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize