She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
