I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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