There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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