My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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