why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
