i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize