I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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