Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
