so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
