Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
