Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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