he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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