Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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