We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
