my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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