He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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