I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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