The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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