I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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