so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
