walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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