So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
