The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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