I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Everything about him screamed your future.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
