1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I puked a lego.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
