We won't sleep together?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
