Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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