If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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