So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
