Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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