kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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