And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
