So drunk its hurt
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
