Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize