He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
a search helicopter?!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
