I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
