So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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