That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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