"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
