After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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