living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
