I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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