What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
