Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize