My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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