And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
