i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
