I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
