went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize