you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
