I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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