Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
