see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
