i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
