got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize