Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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