Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
