Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
