I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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