I could have mohawked her pubes.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
