dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So many bounce houses so little time
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
