i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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