I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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