i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
