at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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