Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
