so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
