im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
