And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
