This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dignity is for republicans.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
