Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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