Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
