Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
