I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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