the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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