This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
