The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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