Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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