he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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