you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
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