i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
