You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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