Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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