I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
