This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
