i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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