i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
