When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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